reset day

Does anyone else need a life reset button?  Today I am resetting my life.  3.5 weeks ago I lost my Godson during his birth. My cousin, who is my best friend and like a little sister to me lost her little boy. His name is Hinrik. Her pregnancy and labour up until his heart stopped was healthy and ‘normal’ as far as the testing shows (we await placenta test results) and we thought it was just a matter of minutes or hours till we get to see his gorgeous face and she got to look into his beautiful eyes however that wasnt the case. He passed during delivery and he was stillborn. This event was devastating and I cannot believe what a nightmare this is. 

i gotta get my sh*t together! 

for the last little while….(or for quite possibly my whole life) I have felt like I have no idea who I am or where I am going and what I am doing. I think the same repetitive thoughts about myself and my life but get no where.  I repeat the same mistakes over and over again but I also know all the right ways to get on top of things and turn my life around.  So I do those things and feel like my life is totally heading in the right direction and that I am ‘winning’ and then somehow I fall off and I am back in the hating on myself train.  This is wearing me out and I want to be more on the positive train rather than the hate one.   If anyone has some tips or a similar story to share I would love to hear it. 

So for now I am starting back on the positive line and I am determined to stay on that train for as long as humanly and hormonally possible. 🖖🏻